Women's Round Table: Having Breast Augmentation in Spite of Opposition
by Sheri Waldrop, RN, BSN

Breast augmentation is a personal decision that woman choose to undergo for many reasons. Enhanced self-image, an increased feeling of femininity, and the ability to wear fashionable clothing are just a few.

But what if family members or friends disagree with this choice? It can be difficult enough to choose to have surgery, and facing the disapproval of others can make this decision even harder. But some women have chosen to have augmentation in spite of opposition, based upon their confidence in choosing what they believe is right for them. In many cases, family members and friends who were initially vocally opposed to surgery have become supporters of this choice.

Here, eight women share their experiences with family and friends who disapproved of them having breast augmentation. Six have had the surgery, and two have not - although one plans to in the near future and the other is still contemplating. They have opened their hearts to us as they discuss how they have dealt with this difficult problem. Some of their stories may surprise you…

When Husbands Object

Lori* states that her husband was against her surgery at first. "He heard horror stories about the process, and just didn't think it was natural." But she also shares that her self-esteem was low before having enhancement. "I wasn't even nearly an A with my cup size…it is really sad when adults tease you about being flat-chested." Her decision to have the surgery in spite of her husband's feelings was because "I finally decided that I needed to do this for me."

After gathering the information, she first scheduled her surgery, and then told her husband. She remembers, "He, of course, wasn't happy about my decision. But I explained how I had felt since I was a young girl, and that it didn't matter to me any longer how he felt. I needed to do this for me and me only."

Lori encouraged her husband to come with her to appointments, and they discussed the changes to expect with surgery. She even came up with a unique way of explaining them to him. "I took balloons and filled them with various amounts of water, and held them up to my chest. I then put them under a shirt to let him see how they might look. At that point he became more interested and gave me his insight about how large I should go. Together we made the decision for my breasts to be a C cup."

After this, her husband became supportive and went with her when she had surgery. He even helped care for her afterwards while she healed. She says, "I have never regretted my implants, only that I didn't do it sooner. My husband says that if he had known how much confidence I would have gained, he would not have objected to it."

Sherri's husband was also not supportive about her desire to have breast augmentation surgery last summer, but her mother was. "My husband was very much against breast augmentation. He said it wasn't necessary, and he doesn't like fake breasts. But my mother was supportive; she told me she understood that I just wanted to look nice in my clothes."

But like Lori, Sherri wanted the surgery for herself. "I felt strongly about it; and when I make up my mind about something I don't let it go. After having two children and nursing them, my breasts sagged, so that I felt very unattractive. I didn't like the way I looked, and I was small, too. "

Sherri had seen how surgery had helped some of her friends both look and feel better, and she wanted this for herself. She feels that her strongest support for having her surgery was ''My own strong motivation. I didn't like the way I looked and wanted to look and feel better about myself."

Sherri went ahead and made the appointment for surgery after discussing it with her doctor, and recalls that while her husband discouraged her from having the breast augmentation, "He never told me I couldn't." Her husband finally let her know that "he would still be there for me during the surgery." But she remembers how difficult it was to go into surgery without support. "It was one of the hardest things for me to walk into that surgery room with him still telling me, 'I don't know why you are doing this. You still don't have to do it.'" His comments increased her anxiety level about the procedure, and she wondered at the time, "Am I being selfish?"

Sherri's husband has come to accept her choice now. "After my surgery, my husband told me they do look nice. If I had it to do all over again, I would. My husband is fine with the enhancement now, and while he still doesn't believe in plastic surgery, I know that he likes my breasts better than before. "

Lisa H. has not had surgery yet. But she is still is considering it. To confuse matters even further, her parents and her husband have expressed opposite reactions to Lisa wanting breast augmentation. "My parents tell me that if this is what I want, then they will stand behind me 100%. My husband, on the other hand, has threatened to divorce me if I go through with the surgery."

The reason her husband gives is that he feels threatened. "He believes that the only reason that I want an enhancement is to get more attention from the men. I have tried to explain to him on numerous occasions that I am doing this for ME and ME only. I couldn't care less what anyone else thinks of me." Lisa plans to have breast enhancement in spite of her husband's opposition, because it is important to her personally. "Regardless of what consequences I have to face, I plan on having the surgery sometime this year. If he can't support me, then I feel that I don't need him."

Dealing With Parents and Siblings

Sonya* states that she had her surgery just two weeks ago, and still hasn't told her parents. "I come from a fairly large family and, although we are far apart geographically, we are all very close emotionally - including with our parents. My parents and I are friends, and they have always been supportive of my endeavors and decisions as an adult." But Sonya's parents also tell her that she is beautiful just the way she is, which has made it difficult for them to understand her desire for enhancement surgery. "They have never understood my body image struggles. I have wanted a more balanced figure since I stopped dancing (classical ballet) and my body developed more womanly curves on the lower half."

After carefully researching breast augmentation, and going to several consultations with reputable surgeons on the West Coast, she scheduled her surgery. She tried to discuss her decision with her parents, "But it was not well received. I decided it wasn't the right time to tell them I planned on having the surgery, and I didn't want to do it over the phone." Now that she has had her surgery, she does plan on telling them, "the next time I see them in person, but I want to see if they even notice first. I wonder if they will be able to tell that I have renewed optimism in my body image. I think it will make them happy to know that when I look in the mirror, I actually like what I see."

Before her surgery, Sonya did tell one of her sisters, who was more supportive. "She was very interested, and she can't wait to see the results. She told our other sister after the surgery, and she also was very supportive."

Melissa had her breast augmentation surgery last fall, and her family was not supportive of her choice before surgery. "I've been talking about it for years and their response was 'God made you the way you are, and you shouldn't mess with His work,' or 'What's the matter with the way you look now? You look just fine.'"

In spite of her family's attitude, Melissa thought about choices and what they meant. "I had finally gotten to the point of looking at how people get their ears pierced all the time, and nobody thinks twice about that. Or some women use a lot of makeup to make themselves look better. So, I wanted to alter the way I looked by having surgery; who would it most affect, and why?" Her questioning and looking inside for the answers helped her make the decision. "I decided to go ahead with it, because this is my life and my decision. If I didn't like the way I looked, or love the way I looked, it was my choice to make."

She also believes that her medical background helped her in her decision to have enhancement surgery. "I'm a nurse, and felt that I was well-informed when I made my decision. I used the Internet to look up information both pro and con. I'm pretty healthy, and heal easily, with no large keloid scars, which helped." At this point, her family has dealt with her decision by not discussing it, and she feels that this is okay. "Actually, I think it is kind of funny. I know I look good and don't need their approval."

Lisa L. wants her augmentation for a special reason: she is a transgendered woman, and this is a natural progression for her. Her family was mainly concerned about her health when she discussed having surgery with them. "My family didn't think it was safe; all the health scares over the last five to ten years left a mark on people's memory. They had nightmares based on third and fourth-hand stories, and the 20/20 and Dateline reports from years gone by."

Lisa suspects that her unique situation also made a difference in her family's reaction to her considering surgery. "For me, as a transgendered woman, my 'natural' self is quite small. My family felt that I had already altered my body enough, and pleaded with me not to even consider augmentation. In the grand scheme of things I have the final say - I am trying to please them, and to be happy with my 'natural' development." But because her family's reaction has been so negative, Lisa has chosen to not have augmentation yet.

In addition, Lisa believes that their strongly negative reaction to her having surgery has resulted in her feeling that she has less control over her body. Lisa is also hurt that they did not trust her ability to research her options and make an informed decision. Their reaction has surprised and wounded her: "Like I was not a 'sane' or 'together' person if I could not be happy with who / what I was ---- Obviously not just limited here to my investigation into augmentation...." Lisa is considering having breast augmentation anyway. "I am sure that someday - within 5 years I will go through with it…"

Elizabeth didn't bother to tell her family since they live over 2000 miles from her. "Keeping the surgery to myself and from them wasn't too hard. I even spoke to my mother the day of my surgery, late in the afternoon while I was coming out of anesthesia, and never said one word about what I'd been through earlier that day." It took her family a while to notice the difference when she flew out to visit them three months later, and then she was able to help her mother in a unique way. "Nobody seemed to notice that I was bigger than I'd been before. Finally, a couple of days after my arrival, I woke up and was walking around the house in a tank top with no bra. Suddenly, my mother looked me over with that motherly raised eyebrow and asked, 'Did your boobs just get bigger - or did you do something?' I just smiled at her."

'My Mom was shocked and called my sister into the room to see. After a lot of questions involving 'when, where, and how?' both my mom and sister made sure to let me know that no matter how much they may have disapproved, that I should have let them know that I would be going under anesthesia and into an OR. They were both a little dismayed that I hadn't shared all this with them while it was actually happening."

Since her mother was recovering from a double mastectomy that she had several months earlier, followed by chemotherapy, Elizabeth was able to help reassure her. "She had been told that augmentation was an option and that her insurance would pay for it, but she did not want to go through any more pain. I was able to let my mother know all about the surgery and that my experience wasn't all that painful; more of what I would consider uncomfortable. Mom goes in for her surgery this summer, whereas, she might not have if she hadn't known anyone, and especially a family member, who'd gone through with it themselves!"

Maggie's husband was originally not very supportive of her surgery: "I think he thought I would go to the consult then decide not to do it. But once I told him I did want to go ahead with surgery he was upset and tried to get me not to. As for my mom, I didn't even tell her and only by a fluke did she find out!"

Her reasons for having surgery included changes in her breasts from pregnancy, nursing, and weight loss: "I had two children, gaining 42 pounds with each pregnancy and went from a 36B to a 36DD when pregnant and nursing. After I had my son (the youngest) I was a saggy 36C and hated my breasts but didn't really give them much thought. Once my youngest was two I stared working out and lost a lot of weight, getting to 15 pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight with very low body fat. But my breasts shrank down to a small, saggy 36B. Once the rest of my body was in such good shape my saggy breasts really began to bother me and a friend suggested I should get breast implants if I wasn't happy."

Maggie did find support and the courage to have her enhancement from her friend and by visiting discussion boards online. "I had a friend who was very enthusiastic about the surgery, as she had had liposuction herself and had a friend who had breast implants. I really felt strongly about my decision once I made it. I realized that as long as I was ok with the decision it didn't matter what anyone else thought about it. Reading online discussion boards did a lot for my resolve as well, since so many women who had had the surgery and were happy with their results posted there."

She also felt that enhancing her looks and self-esteem was a special present to herself. "Initially the cost freaked me out, but since my husband never had to buy me an engagement ring (mine was my grandma's) and our ten year anniversary is this year, suddenly I decided that I would rather have new boobs than another piece of jewelry! "

Now he is glad that she had her enhancement surgery. "My husband is very happy with my new, improved breasts!! He is very supportive now that I have come through the surgery without complications, looking as good as I do. Even my mom, who was ADAMANTLY opposed to plastic surgery just in theory, admits that I do look good and I think is happy that I'm happy with the way I look."

When Friends Disapprove

Another side to Elizabeth's story is that she lives in Colorado, which she calls "the wild and 'natural' West." When she had surgery last year, she made that choice in spite of the disapproval of her peers. "Living in that area of the world, where women are more concerned with their skiing techniques than their appearance, I got a lot of attitude and "that's gross" comments for just letting my girlfriends know that I was contemplating the surgery." She handled their criticism well: "I simply wrote off the negative comments and went ahead with my consultation with a doctor in Denver. This surgery was for ME and no one else!"

She was grateful for the support of one friend when it was time to have her surgery. "When it finally came down to the week before surgery, I had nobody to drive me. I did eventually convince one of the few "girly" girls in town to drive me to and from my surgery, after I had let her know about the attitudes I'd been experiencing. I am still thankful for that one true friend who would help me out in a pinch, no matter what her personal feelings about the surgery were."

The real surprise for Elizabeth was how women reacted to her after her surgery was done. "After the surgery, women came over to the house and stopped me on the street in flocks to ask questions..."Are you in pain?", "How long did it take?", "How big are you now?", "Can I see them?", "Can I touch them?"...All of a sudden, now that they actually knew someone who'd been through it, breast augmentation was a cool thing, and all the local ladies agreed that I looked great. Several of those same women who'd said "Ewww!" at the thought of my having surgery were suddenly asking for my surgeon's phone number so that they might go in for a consult."

How Augmentation Surgery Affects Self-image

Sherri has noticed a real change in her self-image since her breast enhancement. "I feel much better about the way I look, and this has lifted my spirits. It's not that I want to look real sexy because the fact is that most of the time I just wear jeans and a T-shirt. But if my husband and I go out, I do want to look a little sexy, and now I can."

Melissa is glad that she had her augmentation because of how she looks now. "I look so much better now both in and out of clothes. One of the added benefits was that before when I had been a flat B, I hated the fact that I seemed droopy. After my BA, I was perky again, and at 40 that means a lot!! I feel attractive again and self confident."

Maggie has also noticed feeling more positive about herself after her augmentation. "I am VERY glad I had the augmentation and would do it over again in a heartbeat. I just feel so much more confident about my body and so happy with the way my breasts look, both naked and in clothes." She does note a downside, though: "Before I ever thought about having the surgery, I didn't give much thought to my breasts beyond the fact that I didn't think they looked that great. Now, I think about them constantly."

Advice to Women Considering Surgery

Lori shares her feelings about making the decision to have breast augmentation: ''I believe that when a person is considering implants, they must make the decision for themselves, not for another person and decide whether it is right for them. It was the right thing for me to do."

Sherri would tell any woman considering enhancement surgery and facing a husband's objections to "First be sure it is what you want, and do it for yourself. It's your body, and you are the one that has to look in the mirror everyday." She also adds a lesson learned from her own experience:" Let your doctor know exactly what you want. I feel I should have communicated more with my doctor, and let him know how I wanted my breast to look. My breast sagged before, and I think I needed a lift; that is the only thing I would change now. I would have had him do a lift on me."

Sonya believes that even as close as she is to her family that "I don't think any of them could have talked me out of a decision that I felt was right for me. It just means it's just a little more difficult making my family understand."

Maggie would advise a woman considering augmentation, "That she should go ahead with the surgery. I literally almost didn't have the surgery because I was so worried about what others would think of me, and in the end, I'm so glad I did it because every time I look in the mirror I'm happy. "She notes that the surgery has given her an increased self-confidence, and adds, "I am just happy that I went ahead and got it done. I was very scared going into it and almost cancelled several times, and I am just thankful that I didn't cancel and that I look the way I do now."

Melissa feels that it is important for a woman considering breast augmentation, but does not have family support, to be sure that this is what she really wants. "Look deep within yourself. Is this really what you want?" She also mentions sources of support for this decision, "Access the Internet. Find women that have had the procedure done. Be willing to look at both the positive and the negative about the procedure, and accept your own decision." She also notes to be careful who you ask for advice. "Asking your flat-chested, holy-roller girlfriends is probably not the best source for comments or suggestions. Seek support and guidance from people who actually know something about it. Call a plastic surgeon's office and ask for references."

"Be yourself, accept your own decisions," she adds. "Love yourself and have confidence in how you choose to live your life." ß .

*Name changed